Journal entry for Dec 11, 2007

Today marked the 12th anniversary of my mother's passing. I stayed close to home most of the day and thought of all the unfinished things I had and worked on them. It has been a day of pondering the blessings I enjoy.

About my mother. I guess I really missed an opportunity with her in giving her the needed love and extra support when her mother died. It seems like when my grandmother died, I finished thinking about her and or asking my mother about her feelings in her time of grief. I expect nothing more since that is about all I gave. It comes back to haunt me of those times I could have been more sensitive to her feelings and time of loss. I did however when she was alive call her each year especially on my little brother's birthday. She always found comfort in the things I would teach her about the plan of salvation. She even told my sister-in-law the last time they were together how she looked forward to meeting him when she passed. It was prophetic since she passed away a few weeks after that visit.

I miss my mother--no doubt about it and her wisdom and sense of humor. She had a laugh that some of my children tell me I mimic her. I take it as a compliment. I know when those laughs come they remind me of her too! I sense her nearness, as I also sense my dad's. They are together a lot and I know they are watching over me. I know how much they loved me and it makes me feel even closer at those times. They have come to me in dreams. They talk with me and give me advice and encouragement to have faith and that they are praying for me. I am blessed with the comfort they send and assurance I am on the right path.

One particular instance I was working in the temple and could feel my father close by. I stood at my post and sensed Daddy was walking past back and forth much like the ordinance workers do when they are getting a group to go into a session. There is a lot of back and forth from one room to the chapel. This particular day I felt my father come up to me and brush my right cheek almost as if he gave me a kiss, or caress. I also felt his arms around me on my back as if he was walking with me and had his left arm around me.

Then later I was assigned to work at the veil. I felt something very overwhelming that overpowered my ability to speak and give instruction at the veil for the patrons. It was the kind of experience that both the patron and I could not speak, but only feel this abundance of love, without words. I wondered afterwards what it meant. I felt as if my mind was being read and I got the answer in an instant that both my parents were working in tandem and assisting those on the other side as I was assisting those on this side of the veil. I wanted to hold those most holy of feelings for a longer time and felt I wanted to go into the celestial room as soon as I finished with my veil assignment. My heart was full. I was actually done for the day. I no sooner had that thought that I felt my parents impress upon me to meet them in the Celestial room and visit with me. They were able to be there with me only a few short moments. But their message was clear, "Mija, we pray for you to be happy here." I wept tears of joy. I knew what they meant. I admit that had asked just that week "to be able to go to the other side if that was the only way I would find joy and happiness." Imagine my surprise at their comments. I know that our thoughts and prayers are heard, not only by our Father in Heaven, but those of my loved ones who are close (to us) enough to read my thoughts! I felt chastised. I have not asked that again and won't either!!!!

I went to Relief Society Enrichment this evening with Candice. There was a light dinner of homemade soups, apple pie and a short program. I was touched by the musical number played by three young women, the Raun sisters and another young woman whose name I do not know; they were accompanied by the R.S. Secretary, Lis Eager. They played "Away in the Manger." It was very sweet and I felt the tears flow thinking about the baby Jesus and how I learn about him through the song when I was four years old at the old Methodist Church in Chicago. Amazing how I still recall when I first heard that song in reference to the Christ child. It made a lasting impression on my life. The Relief Society gave each of us sisters a special journal with a lovely cover on each one to record our "seeing the hand of God thoughts" everyday. I wrote six pages and decided to do this blog. It will be easier to print out each entry and put it in my NEW journal!

My testimony--

I bear witness that our Savior lives and he was also the babe in the manger held by his dear mother and Joseph who watched over him as he grew.
I am very blessed to have that knowledge and a testimony of the restored gospel, and know without a doubt that Jesus is the Christ and Son of the living God.
Love, Mom